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And the award goes to…… My little brother.

For having the biggest heart. He is a 14-year-old darling. Despite the fact that his foot was bothering him, he still walked. I gave him several opportunities to back out if he wanted to, but he didn’t. Despite the fact that the wind and snow were cutting through us, he still insisted that he walk. I am proud of him, and I started crying while we were walking. He couldn’t see because we had our heads down to keep the snow from flying in our faces. When we got to the booth where we fill out our stickers to show sho we were walking for, I chose my dad. My little bro also chose to walk for my dad. This is the only pic I got from our day at the walk.

I made it through the last 19 days straight of working. I finally get a day off, a day to myself… well not really to myself and I’m becoming less enthused by the second. My mom and step-dad can be difficult sometimes. My little bro and I are supposed to be doing the Heart Walk tomorrow. Bro will be spending the night here.

I called last night to ask them what time they would be dropping him off. A valid question, right? I get an, “We’re not sure, it could be anytime”. When they feel like it, in other words. I ask if they can give me any sort of estimate whatsoever. I finally get a, “Somewhere around 5”. Well folks, it’s 5:30 now, it takes them about an hour to get here. They haven’t even left the house! The world revolves around them and I am apparently on their time schedule.

Complaint #2…. I just had little bro here about a month ago to go to the b-ball game. They forgot to pack a toothbrush. I usually have a small stock of toothbrushes (I’m a freak about my toothbrushes). I had an extra, I gave it to him…. no big deal. My mom just called me and asked if I had a toothbrush I could give the kid. What? I told her I’m not a toothbrush supplier. Recall, they are still at home and able to grab his toothbrush.

The next part is not really a complaint. My mom also told me that she doesn’t know if little bro should even walk tomorrow. He has a calcium deposit on his foot, and it’s been really painful the last couple of days. He’s been to the dr. for this before. His only options are to deal with it or have surgery to get it removed. He’s been in so much pain that he keeps telling my mom he wants surgery, she’s freaking out. Please make dua for my 14-year-old sweet boy. I hate that he’s in so much pain and that he even has to make a choice like that. May Allah make it easy for him.

30 days 30 days 30 days 30 days 30 DAYS!!!!!!!

It’s getting so close. I know this time is going to fly by. I’m so excited. No more hearing a voice through the computer. No more wondering who the people around him that he’s speaking Arabic to. No more wondering what the apartment that he’s living in looks like. No more imagining what his life is like there.

In 30 short days I will be with my husband. I will be able to look in his eyes, touch his face, enjoy his crazy sense of humor!!!!!!!

Sort of.

I will sometimes cry (get a few tears of sadness) when I read some of the blogs of my sisters. It’s not that I’ve had to deal with polygamy or another woman as a possible second wife. I did have a really horrible first marriage though. I never really thought that I’d see the light at the end of the tunnel. The brother was abusive and didn’t want to fulfill his duties as a husband. He made me feel like a worthless human being, that’s what abusers do. I sometimes read the sisters’ blogs and wonder “When?”. When will they find the light at the end of the tunnel? Sometimes I get paranoid. Will my husband ever do these things to me? Just the whisperings of shaitan. I have a hard time trusting men ever since my first husband. Alhamdulilah, I have complete trust in my husband. He might not think I do, but it’s there. Allah gives me that security.

There are good men out there. This is after all, my 3rd marriage. The 2nd one doesn’t really count, it was only one day. He did pull quite a number on me though. My husband though…. he is the one Allah has given me as a gift. He is the one that fulfills the other half of my deen. It is by giving my complete trust to Allah that I am married to this wonderful man. I only hope that my sister’s out there realize that at some point, inshaAllah, it will turn right. Sometimes you have to take the tough choice though. Sometimes you have to go the way you don’t want to. It’s scary, there’s nothing like feeling that a plan is secure. Sometimes by making what feels like the more difficult choice, Allah blesses you more and makes it easy.

I almost hate to blog about how happy my husband makes me. But I haven’t always been in this place. I’ve lived in a miserable marriage. I wish I could share my happiness with my sisters. Those of you that are having difficult times with your marriages… Stay strong. May Allah guide you and give you patience. May Allah help to make your marriages work.

I am really becoming a very poor blogger! I’m going to end up boring the masses. Did I say masses? Not really, I know there are a few that read, but I guess not masses.

So, what have I been up to? Oh, that’s right…. working! Yay!

The day started off at 5am with psycho co-worker claiming her territority in the rudest way. She offended everyone in the room. Really? At 5am you’re gonna pull this crap? I’m really surprised she doesn’t just lift her leg and pee on the table to claim it as her own. A little crass I know, but if you had to work with the psycho, you’d probably think it too.

5 more weeks and I will see my husband’s adorable face live, in front of me again. I have already started packing… pretty lame I know. I am just like that though. I like to be prepared. I have almost everything I need. The only things left are the edible items that I will get right before leaving. Chocolate has been requested, and I plan to bake 2 kinds of cookies to bring with. I never sent my husband monster cookies because I was warned that they might not ever get there. Plus he can put them in the freezer and save some for after I leave. So I will be baking monster cookies and farmer cookies. What? I’ve never mentioned farmer cookies before? Well…… I guess when I make them I will have to post pictures and a recipe! My favorite coworker usually makes them and gives me a special container. They’re super yummy.

So……. nothing exciting has been going on right now except work, but I do have a lot that I’m really looking forward to.

Plus I think UmmAbdu comes home in the next couple days. I am excited to hear how her Algerian experience was.

On this day some years ago my husband was brought into the world. I won’t say how many years ago, because that’s his business to tell. Alhamdulilah, I am extremely grateful that Allah blessed my husband with life. Alhamdulilah, I am extremely grateful that Allah has blessed me with such a husband. Every year of life is precious and I hope Allah blesses you with many more Habibi.

I’m exhausted. It looks like the next day off from work is the 26th. That means I will have worked 19 fabulous days in a row. On the 26th is the Heart Walk for the American Heart Association. So that really won’t feel like a day off either. I feel a little guilty about that too… I haven’t raised much for the cause. Last year I was much more active in trying to get donations. Not so much this year. My doctor has been switching my meds for the past few weeks and trying to find something that works. It’s taking it’s toll on me. I’m tired all the time, and I don’t want to be. I need to accomplish some things.

I’m stuck in a yucky rut.

Sorry for the rambling… but this is my place to vent and ramble.

It’s hard to see or hear of other sisters struggling with their iman. It’s especially hard if they are reverts and are struggling because of a difficult marriage. I was there once. After my divorce from my first husband I really struggled with my iman. I didn’t fulfill my obligations to Allah like I should have. I still had to deal with my ex-husband for some reasons and he knew I was having a difficult time with my iman.

The only good thing to come from him was his advice on this matter. It doesn’t matter how he treated me. How he treated me and my relationship with Allah are two different things. There are good and bad people in every religion, race, and culture. How a muslim treats me shouldn’t affect my relationship with Allah. That person doesn’t have anything to do with my worship.

Hearing that and realizing it helped me to start getting back on track. I hope if there are any sisters that are having a similar struggle they too can realize that a person is not the religion.

I guess it’s been awhile since I wrote anything on my blog. My life has been pretty boring and mundane. I work, I sleep…. yep. Last weekend I went to the Mall of America with UmmAbdurRahman to spend a little time with her before her trip to Algeria. We went to dinner at a really delicious Indian restaurant near her house. Super good. It was really nice to spend some time with her and Abdu. MashaAllah he is such a good boy. I really enjoyed my time with them. I wish them safe travels and a nice visit with her husband, may Allah make it easy.

Aside from that there really isn’t much to update on. Like I said, I’m boring.