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from a tooth? Just why are they called “wisdom teeth”? Is it because we don’t get them until we are older? I am 29, and I sure don’t feel any wiser for having a tooth that makes my entire mouth a pit of pain.

I’m going under the knife tomorrow to get that bugger taken out. I had one removed when I didn’t have insurance. The one that’s bothering me now wasn’t grown in too much and I opted to wait until I had insurance. It now hurts BAD! It’s a good thing I have insurance. It’s been hurting for over a month. I went to the dentist to get a referral. They said I had to wait 2 weeks for the oral surgeon to call me to make the appointment. Great.

I waited, they called. I had to wait almost 3 weeks for the actual appointment. Hello? I told them it hurts! I had to wait 5 weeks total. It sucks to get a tooth carved out when I have a 5 day weekend I should be enjoying. How much would I really enjoy with a mouth that hurt anyway? Besides, I will probably be too drugged up this weekend from the painkillers.

Did I mention I have to be put out? My mom has to drive me. Good times. My tooth is not growing up, it’s growing sideways. It’s pushing forward into my other teeth. What’s so flippin’ wise about that situation? Ooooooh, I hope I don’t get chipmunk cheeky!


Well, despite the fact that I am a psycho jerk at work, I got a very good raise this year. Very, very good. Hmmm, apparently not everyone thinks I am that horrible! Now, if I could just find a better job! (I want to work with people who are not so crazy and unbalanced) They probably think the same of me. Oh well, can’t be perfect all the time.

I have had horrible insomnia the past couple of nights. It’s a really unusual type for me though. I fall asleep and two hours later wake up. I tossed and turned for nearly 4 hours after that! This has made me a little out of it, and a bit on the snippity side. Rather than swearing I make up my own phrases so I say things that often sound weird. I usually say, “son of a beaver housen”. Odd, but not totally horrible. I went to the grocery store yesterday after work, I was exhausted (and cranky). I was getting a couple boxes of dry pudding mix and knocked some on the floor. I said, “Son of a…. oh dammit!” Not completely horrible. However I didn’t realize there was a couple standing about 2 feet away from me. I saw out of the corner of my eye that the guy was staring at me with his mouth agape. I’m sure with my scarf on people assume that a) I don’t speak English, and b) I don’t say any type of bad language. Fooled that guy, didn’t I? I speak English! I don’t usually use that type of language though, I guess I was just overly tired. I turned to him with embarassment and said “Hi”.

I managed to pass that couple in a few different aisles during my trip. Despite myself, I survived.

Sometimes I just feel like saying that to people, “Ha! Take that!” I’m strange, I know this. I do the weirdest things, and people tell me I’m weird. I have my odd imagination that helps to keep me entertained. Sometimes I look in the mirror and say to my image, “Oh girl, the man who marries you is going to be so lucky!” Then I wink at myself!

I’m sure this post makes you think I am unbalanced and you are agreeing with the nice people at work that I’m psycho. I must note a difference between what they think and who I really am. I am weird. I am not psycho, I am just a funny-weird. I like to laugh and my mind wanders to funny things. I hope this cleared it all up.

On a different note… Mr. First Love and I talked. I feel much better going our own ways now. The air is cleared. In my minds eye we are running to jump off a cliff into the water below. We hold hands and lose each other in mid-air, only to hit the water separately and lose each other in the sea of life.

That’s sarcasm!

I dreamed of Mr. U last night. I would really like to get over that situation, considering I haven’t even talked to him in 5 weeks! That’s just the problem though. I never got an explanation as to what happened. There’s no closure. I don’t think of him during the day anymore. So, instead, he bothers me at night in my sleep! Fabulous! The worst part is that I don’t really want to talk to him ever again. I am getting over it and moving on. What if he calls and stirs up all my emotions again? I couldn’t handle that, I’m afraid of it. I don’t even know why I got so darned attatched to him in the first place. I just want to move on and be happy.

There is another sadness that is really bothering me today. Mr. First Love and I got into an argument on the phone last week. We just aren’t as nice to each other as we used to be. It could be since I fell for someone else I just want to push him away. I thought that we would always have a friendship. I thought that we would always communicate, at least by email. I don’t want to talk on the phone with him since I am trying to find someone else. It really isn’t a good idea, and I know this. However, I didn’t want it to come crashing down the way it did. We argued and hung up. Then it was text messages saying that we shouldn’t talk anymore. I tried to call because I wanted to say it voice-to-voice. I wanted to wish him well and go our separate ways. He didn’t answer the phone. His text message was not the nicest. Now I’m stuck with a horrible feeling. The past 5 years of part relationship and part friendship has ended in a crappy way. I don’t want to remember him in the bad way it ended, I would rather remember the 5 years worth where we got along and next to never fought. I hope we will get the chance to talk one time to wish each other well and go along our own ways.

Need I say more? Squirrels. They freak me out. I’ve been freaked out by squirrels for quite some time. On my college campus we had some really well-fed squirrels. Of course there were many garbage cans with a treasure trove of things for the squirrels to dig for. They would go in the cans and when they heard someone passing by, they would JUMP out and run! They could give a 20 year-old a heart attack. I passed quite a few cans with my little friends jumping out and freaking me out! Let’s not forget the time I was sitting on a bench on campus reading with my lunch next to me. I had an apple sitting on my stuff, I had taken a bite out of it. The next thing I know, a squirrel comes up on the bench, grabs my apple, and runs! The apple was twice the size of it’s head! What the???!!!???

You might laugh when I tell you this, and it is funny, now. When I was on, hmmm… I think it was Effexor, I got really paranoid. Effexor is an anti-depressant. I had some serious depression during my college days. I started taking this med at the end of my senior year. Squirrels became part of my paranoia, I believed they were government agents. I thought they were well trained spies. It seems ludacris that I could be that out of it, but that medicine made me pretty wacky. Government agents! I can laugh now, but I was really scared of them then.

One final squirrel tale: I had a bay window in my old apartment. If I looked out the left side window I could see my air conditioner. Well I heard a scritching noise in my air conditioner. I got freaked out thinking it was a mouse or rat. Then I went to the window to look out at my air conditioner unit. I had to pull up the shade. When I pulled up the shade a squirrel jumped from where it had been hanging onto my a/c unit to the screen on the window in front of me! It jumped right at my face! I screamed.

What got me started on squirrels in the first place today? Well I walked into my underground parking this morning and there is a garbage can right inside the door. Take a wild guess as to what jumped out?

My blogging skills are getting bad. I am a bad blogger. I don’t know what to talk about. No ex-husband bothering me, and Mr. U is a thing of the past (and I don’t want to keep talking about the sadness I feel). I am moving forward. I am scared.

I could complain about work, but I don’t even want to think about the evil place. I truly work with a bunch of psychos. They think I’m psycho, but they need a video recording of themselves. The one co-worker who said I was psycho a couple weeks ago did something crazy today. She sent a cart flying and while she shoved it she yelled, “The G**D**M thing is in my F*ing way!” And I’m psycho? Other people need to regulate themselves! Oh the Drama!

To start the day!

Dead cat on the side of the road, immediately after I pulled out of my apartment complex. Just how I wanted to start my journey to my parent’s house. At least I didn’t hit the cat, that would have been much worse. I would have been severely traumatized. Not only did I see one dead cat on the side of the road, but two. As I left my parent’s house, another one. Yuck! You are probably wondering why I would share this in a blog, well I am too. It disturbed me. I see animals like squirrels all the time and the occasional racoon. Cats, however, are a rarity.

We went for a family “brunch”, the food sucked. We were all miserable and unhappy with the food. Happy father’s day, Dad- here’s some crappy food. My Dad is funny. We get home and he continues on with some construction he’s doing to the house. Never a break for that guy, he doesn’t give himself one. I don’t get it.

No work for me today, Hooray!!!

Cleaning and errands instead…. blah. My cleaning and errand list looked something like this:

*Clean kitchen
*Clean living room
*Clean bath room
*wash rugs
*go to Sprint store/get phone checked out
*go to halal meat store get lamb
*go to grocery store and get other groceries
*put gas in car

I got part of my cleaning list done (not much of it though). I decided to venture out and go to the Sprint store first. It was quite hot and muggy today, you could see the humidity in the air, all hazy. I expected to get to the store and wait to have someone look at my phone, not so. I had to hand my phone over and leave it there for an hour, an hour! I got a little receipt so I could come back and pick it up. It was a movie moment, my hand shook and hesitated as I tried to hand the phone over.

I left the store and started on some of my other errands. I kept looking over at the passenger side seat, but my phone wasn’t there. It drove me nuts! Someone started coming over into my lane without looking and almost hit me. It’s a good thing they didn’t, because I didn’t have my phone!!!!!!! What if I got hit? What would I do? I didn’t have my phone! The person was mere inches from my car on the driver’s side! If you think you’re not dependent upon your cell phone, think again. One hour seemed like an eternity! Try leaving it at home for an hour, you’ll go nuts!

A whole new week of work. Oh man was anxiety nipping at my ankles on Sunday!!! Can you believe I’m still in trouble for being a “psycho” last week? How do things like this happen to me? My supervisor got on me today for something I was joking about. Other people say things that are mean all the time, and they’re serious! I have to get out of this place, it’s like an alternate universe! If anybody is reading this blog will you pray for me to get a better position, PLEASE! Oh yes, and I have a one on one meeting with my supervisor scheduled for Thursday. I really don’t understand what I did wrong. I really, really don’t. I was cranky for a day. I wasn’t overly aggressive or mean. In comparison to the other people in the area I work in… I’m a total sweet heart. I’m not saying this because I think highly of myself, but honestly- they are not very nice.

How do things like this happen? It is being blown way out of proportion. Why can’t normal things happen to me? I wish, dear blog reader, that you could see the people I work with in action. You too would wonder why I’m getting talked to. How is it that I’m still in trouble?

I heard a song that used the phrase “beautiful wreck”. What is a beautiful wreck? Sometimes I feel as though that describes me. I feel like nothing goes right, but somehow I will be like the legendary phoenix and rise from the ashes of my ruin. I am beautiful, I have power over my own self and choices, and I will make it through whatever comes my way!

I made it through several trying times in the past few years. I am learning along the way and it is only getting better. I have found my future mate, and inshaAllah (God willing) it will all go smoothly. I have many things figured out to straighten out my life. I am working hard to find a new job. That is one part of life that leaves me disgruntled. I can make it through. I am beautiful, and not much of a wreck.